It was particularly difficult to find my conference accommodation  in Lisbon. Those I questioned in town about the whereabouts of the district of my hotel, Monte de Caparica, talked about it as if it were a far away place, mentioned only in Legend.
    "Oh, Monte.... Yep...I've heard of it. But that there's on the other side of the river. Now, you don't want to be going over there. In fact, no one goes over there."

Strange I thought. My printed instructions said it was only 4 miles from the centre. How hard can it be to get there?

After further bewildered answers from the Lisboans, I decided to switch on wilderness mode, and navigate my way in the right direction. Sniffing the wind, and checking my GPS provided bearings, I headed south to the dreaded Monte. After a train - bus - metro ride, I arrived in Monte de Caparica. (I later improved on this, by taking a train- boat- metro instead. Boats are nicer then buses)

Now in Monte, I had to find the road of my hotel. I turned once again to asking the locals, but they could only afford a silent stare when I asked them directions. They were a strange people south of the river, with their characteristic red hats and green boots




After a long monologue with my long faced grazing neighbor, the answer came to me. Soon after the great voyages that marked Portugal's history, it dawned on the Lisboans that they could also travel by land around their city.

 So they called upon an ancient counsel to figure out this land transport stuff. Two things were determined in that meeting. First, which family would be responsible for the transport for each squared kilometer of Lisbon. The second: a vow never again to talk or meet with the other families. Thus began the public transport system, through an asynchronous anarchic effort. Each train, bus and metro system on each side of the river, belonged to a different private company with their own credit system. The only thing in common: credits were stored in identical green cards you had purchase. Once a green card had been soiled with the credits of one of these systems, it would no longer receive any other suitor.

Turned out that 6 cards were not enough. When trying to travel from a particular train station in town, none of my 6 cards worked. I asked the local public employee. He thought it was absurdly funny that I thought I could use one of my current lines of transport credit to pay for the local journey, when it was well known that this station was owned by a different company. I took to yelling at him after this. I really let him have it, letting him know that Lisbon's public transport system was a mild improvement over walking. About as efficient as paddling one of their massive sails boats over land. That I would have had more success getting around town by trying to build vehicle out of their famous round cream pastries

He subsequently wouldn't sell me any tickets, told me try one of my alternative transport suggestions. Didn't matter, I decided to go on a night walk anyway, and buy some tasty pastries.